Why Your Workplace Should Embrace “Community” Over a “Family” Culture
Let’s talk about one of those workplace clichés that makes me cringe every time I hear it. You’ve probably heard it before, maybe even said it:
“We’re like one big happy family!”
Yeah… except most families are neither big nor happy.
The reality is that when organizations try to act like families, they often end up resembling a Thanksgiving dinner with your crazy uncle. You know, the one who thinks the moon landing was staged and who thinks dessert is a good time to bring up politics. Good times!
I want to challenge the idea that your workplace should feel like a “family.” Instead, let’s go for something stronger, more stable, and a little less emotionally turbulent: a community.
Let me explain why.
Family vs. Community: The Dysfunctional Family Reunion
When people say, “We’re like a family here,” what they’re often describing is an environment where people feel comfortable—maybe too comfortable. Like, leave your dirty socks on the living room floor comfortable. It’s not about running an efficient, thriving organization. No, it’s about “I’ll love you no matter how many times you forget to refill the water in the Kurig.” Is that really what we want?
Here’s the thing about families: we don’t always treat our family members well. Sure, we love them, but we also nag them, take them for granted, and occasionally argue over who gets the last slice of pizza. And why? Because we know we’re stuck with them! You can’t exactly fire Aunt Susan for her annoying habit of one-upping everyone at the dinner table, can you? And that’s the problem. Family dynamics are riddled with obligation, not collaboration. People often tolerate bad behaviour because, well, “We’re family!”
So What’s the Problem With Family?
Let’s break it down. Here’s what happens when you bring the “We’re family!” mindset into your workplace:
1. Obligation Over Choice
In families, you don’t get to choose who’s at the dinner table. You’re stuck with whoever got invited—no matter how much Uncle Larry smells like old socks. In a workplace, this mentality can lead to sticking with underperforming employees or tolerating toxic behaviour because “Hey, that’s just how they are!” Not exactly a recipe for success.
2. Emotional Entanglement
Families are emotionally complicated. I mean, have you ever had a completely rational, 100% emotionally stable conversation with a family member during the holidays?
Yeah, didn’t think so.
Bringing that emotional baggage into the workplace leads to blurred boundaries and unnecessary drama. The result? People avoid tough conversations because they don’t want to hurt “family.”
3. Lack of Accountability
Let’s face it: families aren’t great at holding people accountable. When was the last time you gave your sibling a performance review for not texting back? Exactly. In organizations that operate like families, accountability takes a back seat to feelings. Criticism becomes personal, and suddenly, you’re walking on eggshells to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes. Cue the passive-aggressive post-it notes in the break room. You know, the “Your mother doesn’t work here… put your dishes in the dishwasher!” memo. But Ma…. I thought we were family!
4. Unconditional Support—Even When It’s Unhelpful
Families will support you no matter what, right? Even when you make terrible decisions, like cutting your own bangs or thinking that starting a metal band at age 45 is a great idea.
In an organization, this blind loyalty can translate into enabling poor performance. Just because someone’s been with the company for 20 years doesn’t mean they should get a free pass when they’re not pulling their weight.
Enter: The Community Mindset
Instead of being a family, your workplace is a community. Doesn’t that sound better already?
In a community, people aren’t tied together by obligation but by choice. They’re there because they want to be, and they’re united by a shared purpose. It’s not about being stuck with each other; it’s about working together toward a common goal.
Here’s why a community mindset is stronger:
1. Shared Responsibility, Not Obligation
In a community, everyone has a role to play. You’re not doing things because you have to but because you want to contribute to the greater good. It’s like a potluck where everyone brings their best dish—no one’s showing up with three-day-old guacamole and a bag of chips and calling it a day.
2. Collaboration Over Comfort
Communities thrive on collaboration.
Instead of relying on the same few people to get things done (like how families always have that one person who does all the dishes), everyone in a community pitches in. It’s not about who’s been there the longest or who has the loudest voice at the table—it’s about what skills and strengths people can bring to the group.
3. Accountability, Accountability, Accountability
In a community, people are accountable to each other. There are clear roles, responsibilities, and boundaries.
If someone isn’t holding up their end of the bargain, the group addresses it. It’s not a personal attack—it’s about keeping the community healthy and functional. There’s no “Let’s just ignore Grandpa’s snoring” here.
4. Emotional Intelligence, Not Emotional Baggage
Communities are based on respect and trust, not emotional entanglement.
People in communities respect each other’s boundaries, and they know how to manage conflict in a healthy way. No one’s bringing up old arguments from three Christmases ago. (Seriously, can we please let the mashed potato incident go?)
Boundaries: The Secret Sauce of Resilience
One of the biggest differences between a family and a community is boundaries.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Boundaries? That sounds about as fun as watching paint dry.” But hear me out. Boundaries are actually what allows communities to thrive. They create clear expectations, prevent burnout, and keep relationships healthy.
In families, boundaries can be… let’s say, “fuzzy.” Your mom still asks if you’ve eaten breakfast (and you’re 35), and your brother borrows your car without asking because “it’s family.”
But in a community, boundaries are respected. Everyone knows their role, and no one’s overstepping. If someone’s out of line, it gets addressed without turning into a three-day guilt trip, of, “Remember when you were 5 and you did this…”
Healthy boundaries mean people know where they stand, what’s expected of them, and how to contribute in a way that doesn’t drain them. That’s the secret sauce of resilience.
Resilience: Why Communities Bounce Back, While Families Get Stuck in Therapy
Let’s talk resilience, folks. The ability to bounce back from challenges. A community is way more resilient than a family because communities are built on intentionality. They adapt, grow, and solve problems together. It’s like the difference between a well-oiled machine and that rickety old family van that somehow still gets everyone to the reunion but leaves you stranded on the highway.
Communities don’t crumble when faced with adversity—they evolve. There’s a shared responsibility to find solutions, and everyone’s input is valued. You don’t have to wait for the family patriarch (aka your boss) to give the green light; the community just does what needs to be done.
The Final Word: From Dysfunctional Family to Thriving Community
Look, I’m not saying families are all bad. I love mine (really, Mom!). But when it comes to running a successful organization, the “we’re like family” approach just doesn’t cut it. It leads to blurred boundaries, emotional entanglement, and a lack of accountability. It’s like trying to run a marathon with a backpack full of rocks—and also one of those rocks won’t stop talking about how things were better “back in the day.”
Instead, embrace the community mindset. It’s stronger, healthier, and way more effective. Communities are resilient, adaptable, and focused on collaboration. Everyone pulls their weight, and everyone is accountable. Plus, no one has to worry about Grandpa falling asleep at the conference table.
So, next time you hear someone say, “We’re like a family here!”—do us all a favour and gently correct them. “No, we’re not like family. We’re part of a community. And in this community, we’re building something great together.”
Now, who’s bringing the chips to the potluck?