Unlock Workplace Trust: Build a Culture of Speaking Up

Nov 23, 2025

You know that meeting.

Everyone nods. A few people say, “Great idea.” Someone promises to “circle back.”

And yet… You can feel it.

The real thoughts never made it out of anyone’s mouth.

That’s not a communication problem.

That’s a culture problem.

I recently sat down with cultural strategist Michael G. Neece, author of In Kind: Consciously Crafting a Meaningful Life and Career. Our conversation pulled back the curtain on something I see in businesses every week:

Your best people may have already quit… They just haven’t told you yet.

Silent Disengagement: The Quit You Don’t See

We talk a lot about “quiet quitting,” but, in our discussion, Michael made an essential distinction between disengagement and silence.

Disengagement looks like this:

• More sick days
• Camera off, mic off, “busy” but absent
• Doing the minimum, no more

Silence is different. Silence is a decision.

As Michael put it, silence comes from the employee who’s thinking:

“If I speak up, it will be to my disadvantage.”

That’s not shyness. That’s self-protection.

It’s often your best people, the ones who used to bring ideas, challenge the status quo, and push for better,  who go quiet first. Not because they stopped caring, but because caring started to cost them.

They’ve learned that telling the truth:

• Gets them excluded from meetings
• Hurts their performance reviews
• Hand their ideas to someone else with a bigger title

So they stop talking.

And leaders mistake that silence for agreement.

The Hidden Red Flag: Values People Roll Their Eyes At

One of Michael’s simplest “culture diagnostics” is painfully accurate.

He said leaders should pay attention to what happens when people talk about the company’s values:

“If people can recite your core values but roll their eyes while they do it, something’s broken.”

That’s a huge tell.

Most organizations have the posters:

• We value teamwork
• We value innovation
• We value listening

But if your people are rolling their eyes, what they’re really saying is:

“We value these words. We don’t live them.”

When the values on the wall don’t align with those in the hall, people stop trusting leadership. And once trust erodes, disengagement and silence aren’t far behind.

Tune into my conversation with Michael G, Neece

Kindness vs “Nice”: Why Politeness Is Killing Your Culture

I once worked with a manager, Anthony, who prided himself on being a nice leader. When our team met with him, he gave us his full attention. He would nod along with everything that we said and ask questions to help clarify our position, our idea, or our thoughts.

When our meeting was over, we had a good sense that he understood us and was receptive to our ideas. What we didn’t know was that, as soon as we parted ways, he started complaining about our team to other department heads.

Many leaders pride themselves on being “nice.”

They say “please” and “thank you.” They don’t yell. They avoid conflict.

That sounds good… until you look closer.

Michael said something that stopped me in my tracks:

“Nice is a code word for lying.”

When you’re “nice,” you:

• See a problem in someone’s work
• Fix it quietly
• Say nothing
• Build resentment

You’re smiling on the outside while you’re seething on the inside.

That’s not kindness. That’s avoidance.

Kindness, on the other hand, is truthful and curious.

Kindness sounds like:

“Hey, I noticed this piece was missing from the report. Usually you include it. Can you walk me through what happened?”

See the difference?

Nice protects short-term comfort.

Kindness protects long-term trust.

And trust is the only real foundation for psychological safety.

Psychological Safety: Why Your “Open Door Policy” Isn’t Working

Almost every leader I talk to tells me, with a straight face: “Oh, I have an open-door policy. People know they can come to me with anything.”

Cool. But have they?

Because here’s the harsh truth:

You don’t get to declare your culture. Your people do.

Michael shared a simple way for leaders to test whether that “open door” is actually open… without sending out yet another anonymous survey.

He suggested leaders “back into” an open-door policy by doing this in a meeting:

1. Name three specific behaviours you’re trying to improve as a leader. For example:

   • “I’m trying to be clearer in my communication.”

   • “I’m trying to share more context and data.”

   • “I’m trying to listen more and talk less.”

2. Ask everyone to write them down.

3. Then say:

   “In the next week, I want your feedback on how I’m doing with these. It can be in the meeting, in an email, or 1:1. I genuinely want to know.”

4. And then—this is the important part… don’t punish anyone who actually tells you the truth.

If nobody responds?

That’s your data. That’s your culture talking.

If your team won’t even give feedback when you invite it, you don’t have an open door. You have a costly, well-lit wall.

What Leaders Tolerate Is What They Cultivate

I once walked into a department meeting between the head of the slots department at a local casino and his front-line supervisors. In the middle of the conversation, he launched into a rant about how “brainless” one of the slot attendants was. I pulled him aside and asked, “How do you expect your supervisors to treat that employee now?” By vocalizing his disdain so openly, he had just modelled a behaviour he would never tolerate if his supervisors actually acted out his words.

Michael said something to me that every leader should tattoo on their brain:

“What leaders tolerate is what they cultivate.”

If you allow:

• The bullying manager who shouts at people
• The backroom character assassination (“she’s brainless,” “he’s useless,” “why is she so stupid?”)
• The email that publicly shames someone in a 50-person thread

…you are not neutral. You are endorsing it.

And your best people are watching.

When they see:

• A toxic high performer protected
• A truth-teller punished
• A kind leader sidelined

They don’t complain.

They quietly update their resume.

Culture isn’t defined in your town hall speech.

It’s defined in the moment you either say, “We don’t do that here,” or you say nothing at all.

Curiosity: The Superpower That Defuses Conflict

Years ago—back when my hairline was stronger than my impulse control—I got an email from one of my supervisors, Gary. Attached was a spreadsheet so incomplete it looked like the starter kit for a spreadsheet. Whole sections missing, formulas broken, data scattered like confetti after a parade.

My first reaction?

Let’s just say my hackles didn’t just go up… they performed a full Broadway number. I could feel my inner monologue gearing up:

“Seriously? Again? Why can’t Gary just do his job?”

I had the perfect fiery response drafted in my head — the kind of email you write, reread twice, and then feel righteous about in the shower.

But then something stopped me.

A line I once heard floated into my head:

“When in doubt, get curious.”

So instead of smashing “Reply All” with the fury of a thousand suns, I typed: “Hey Gary, I noticed the spreadsheet’s missing pieces. Can you help me understand what happened?”

His response changed everything.

Within minutes, he wrote back: “Marc, I’m sorry. My dad had a stroke last night. I came in today just to send what I could. I didn’t want to let the team down.”

In that moment, all my judgment evaporated. If I had reacted — if I had sent my brilliantly sharp, perfectly indignant email — I would have wounded someone who was doing his absolute best under circumstances I knew nothing about.

Curiosity didn’t just prevent conflict.

It revealed the humanity behind the mistake.

It reminded me that most people aren’t out there thinking:

“Today I’m going to sabotage Marc for sport.”

They’re juggling life, fear, stress, sick parents, tired kids, impossible deadlines, and all the invisible burdens we never see.

That one small moment taught me a leadership truth I return to again and again:

• React less.
• Ask more.
• Let curiosity lead.

Curiosity doesn’t make you weak.

Curiosity makes you wise.

And in a world full of reactivity, it’s the one superpower that turns conflict into connection — and coworkers into allies instead of adversaries.

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How to Make Kindness a Strategic Advantage

Let’s be very clear: kindness is not a “soft skill” side dish.

It’s a business strategy.

When people feel safe, seen, and heard, you get:

• Better ideas (because people actually share them)

• Faster problem solving (because truth travels faster)

• Higher retention (because people don’t want to leave a place that honours them)

Michael put it this way:

Kindness is seeing the “wonder of the universe” in the person in front of you and treating them like they matter.

Practically, that looks like:

• Asking before assuming

• Saying the hard thing with care, not with a hammer

• Giving credit loudly and often

• Advocating for your people even when it costs you

And yes, sometimes it might cost you:

A promotion. A title. A seat at a particular table.

But what’s the point of being at the table if you had to throw everyone else under the bus to sit there?

That’s not leadership. That’s panic with a business card.

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Pitfalls to Avoid When You Try to Change the Culture

So let’s say you’re reading this and thinking,

“Okay, that’s us. We need to change.”

Great. Before you run off and create a “Kindness Initiative” (please don’t call it that), here are a few pitfalls Michael flagged.

1. Treating Culture Work as a Trial Period

If you go in with:

“We’ll try this kindness thing for a few weeks and see if it works…”

You’ve already decided it won’t.

Culture change is not a 30-day challenge. It’s a long-term commitment. Think years, not weeks.

If you quit at the first sign of discomfort, what you’ve really taught your people is:

• “We don’t stick with hard things.”
• “We don’t mean what we say.”

That will kill trust faster than any toxic employee.

2. Lip Service Without Accountability

Putting “We value feedback” in your employee handbook does nothing if:

• People who give honest feedback get sidelined

• Leaders never ask, “How am I doing?”

• Meetings are dominated by the same loud voices

Real accountability means building practices that force diverse voices into the room, such as:

• Round-robin check-ins at the start and end of meetings

• Explicitly inviting quieter people to share

• Following up 1:1 when you see someone shut down

If you’re afraid of what you’ll hear when you ask everyone to speak…

That’s exactly why you need to ask.

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Start With You: Values, Legacy, and Self-Care

Here’s the part most leadership books gloss over.

You cannot lead kindly if you’re running on fumes.

Michael ended our conversation with a simple reminder:

Go for the walk.

Pet the dog.

Throw the frisbee.

Take the bubble bath.

Why? Because a burned-out leader is a reactive leader.

And reactive leaders default to fear, control, and defensiveness.

If you want to build a culture where people feel safe to speak up, you have to be in a state where you can hear them without exploding.

And underneath all of this sits one big question:

What legacy do you want to leave?

Do you want to be remembered as the leader who:

• Protected yourself and played small?

• Or the one who stood for truth, kindness, and courage — even when it was risky?

Your people are answering that question about you every day, whether you ask it or not.

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Where to Go From Here

If you read this and thought,

“Wow, they’re talking about my team…”

you are not alone.

The good news?

Silence is reversible. So is disengagement.

But it starts at the top.

• Move from “nice” to truly kind

• Get curious instead of defensive

• Live your values instead of just framing them

And if you’re ready to dig deeper:

• You can find Michael G. Neece at ourfutureiskind.com and on LinkedIn. His book In Kind is a powerful guide to bringing real humanity back into work.

• And if you’d like a complimentary 30-minute brainstorming session about your culture, your leadership team, or your customer experience, you can grab time with me at MeetWith.MarcHaine.com.

Your best people don’t want perfection.

They want honesty, safety, and leaders who dare to be the exception.

Be that leader.

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If you want a sounding board to lock in your planted foot and build your first “depth plan,” I’m happy to jump on a complimentary 30-minute brainstorm with you and your team. Bring your messy whiteboard. I’ll bring the questions. Let’s turn uncertainty into an advantage.

Stay safe, stay healthy—and dare to be the exception.

—Marc

Guest credits: Many of the ideas in this article are drawn from my conversation with Michael g. Neece, keynote speaker, author, and culture strategist who teaches leaders how to use kindness as a catalyst for team trust, performance, and innovation.Quotes attributed to Michael are taken from that interview.

💡 Book Michael’s free Culture Clarity Call at www.ourfutureiskind.com

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